Conferencia sobre La Sombra en Miami

El jueves 13 de septiembre daré una conferencia sobre la sombra en Boca Raton, Florida. En caso de querer asistir, contactar a Julia Perusset-Ontano:(561)488-0577, y (561)706-8848. A continuación, va el texto en inglés: The shadow is the unowned side of our personality. It is often referred to as our alter ego, our disowned self, our dark side, and it encompasses all the personal aspects which we do not perceive in ourselves, yet tend to perceive quite easily in others. The shadow starts to develop during early childhood. Our parents had various expectations: we had to be a good girl or a good boy, we had to be obedient and generous, we should not be too loud, too demanding, selfish, jealous, angry, greedy... We soon learned which behaviors were accepted, and which were rejected, and in order to please them, and to gain their approval and their love, we started hiding all the aspects they did not accept or value, trying to get rid of our “bad” qualities. Later on, other people influenced the process of shadow development, determining what could be expressed and what should not. Parents, siblings, other relatives, friends, teachers, as well as the society or culture we live in have a profound influence as to what is considered proper behavior, and what is considered unacceptable, mean, shameful or sinful. Our deep desire to be accepted and loved and our fear of being unworthy strongly influence our tendency to deny and repress all the personal characteristics that we feeel could induce rejection, and lead to the development of the mask. The mask is the way we present ourselves to the world, highlighting our positive traits, and hiding all the aspects we consider negative. Although the mask is necessary and useful to function in some settings, it tends to become a crystallized structure, and prevents us from interacting authentically with others. Even though the masks we use may appear to help us receive the love and approval we crave, we can never trust these fully, since at some level we know they are based on a distortion of our true self. The shadow is the reverse side of the mask. According to Carl Jung, the shadow is everything that we consider unpleasant, inferior, negative or shameful, together with personal characteristics and functions we have not yet developed. Thus, the shadow is everything we do not want to be, and everything we do not know that we are. We usually see the shadow indirectly, in other people. This is due to projection, the unconscious defense mechanism which consists of ascribing our personal traits to others. When we project, we attribute an inner aspect to another person or external event, and we then react to this positively or negatively, with either attraction or rejection. Due to the process of projection, the way we see the world and those around us is not necessarily how they really are. When something has been projected we perceive it as though it really belongs to others. However, what we actually see and experience is our own internal dynamic, projected outward. Just like with a movie projector, we project on an outer screen a personal trait that then seems to exist on the outside. Projection is neither good or bad, it is just a natural tendency in every human being. We don’t need to try to stop projecting, but rather, to become aware of the consequences of our projections. For instance, if our self-worth and self-esteem are projected on others, we become overly dependent on them, constantly seeking self-validation on the outside as opposed to developing it within. We tend to reject and even despise the negative traits we have projected every time we discover them – or think we do - in others. If I reject a personal trait such as vanity, or greed, every time I see someone displaying these characteristics I will judge and criticize that person in order to make sure that this aspect doesnt exist – thus, I fight on the outside with an inner aspect. When we continue rejecting the personality traits that we consider objectionable, we miss out on the chance to rework, move through, and transform them. We need to bear in mind that most of what we consider negative is something that, at some point in time, served to protect us. Therefore, a wiser alternative would be to try to make friends with the aspects we reject, and to understand their function. For instance, the need to control usually serves to cover up an excess of vulnerability; arrogance tends to be a compensation for shyness, and greed can have its roots in fear of scarcity. Put-downs, which are sometimes due to envy, may serve to compensate for unconscious feelings of inferiority by trying to generate inferiority in others. Exploring the shadow may be difficult for many people, since there is a tendency to equate it only with negative aspects which make us feel bad, or guilty. However, shadow is not “bad” – it is simply that part or our totality which we are not conscious of. It is everything about ourselves that we do not know, or refuse to know, both dark and light. Very often we fail to perceive our own positive traits: undeveloped qualities, assets and talents that we may admire or envy in others... We can usually see the shadow at work in: . Our intense reactions and judgments about people and events. . In recurrrent/repeated life experiences. . In the kind of people and relationships we tend to attract. . In negative feedback we receive from others. . In positive feedback we receive from others. . In dreams, especially nightmares. . In slips of the tongue, “mistakes”, and our sense of humor (very often, it is the shadow self who laughs at jokes). Shadow work is the process of becoming aware of our disowned traits, healing the split between our conscious perception of ourselves and the totality of our being. In addition to allowing us to release the vast amounts of energy required to keep everything we have repressed at bay, it assists us in defusing the negative emotions that tend to erupt in our daily lives, and helps us to heal our relationship with ourselves and with others. Shadow work enables us to discover our authentic being, to let go of our defenses and masks, and to stop trying to constantly meet idealized expectations, whether they belong to us or to others. When we accept the shadow as an integral part of our being we expand our self-knowledge, and we can develop self-acceptance, compassion and unconditional love for ourselves and for humanity as a whole.